revisiting OMORI (at the worst/best possible time)

2 nights ago i finished watching an omori playthrough and cried so hard i genuinely felt sick afterward, then i cried again yesterday and today thinking about it. the thing is that this wasn’t even my first experience with the game, i have beaten omori at least like five times before, but all of those were when i was under the age of fifteen lol back then i understood that it was tragic and painful and beautiful but i don’t think i truly understood it. not internally, at least, i don’t think my brain was emotionally developed enough to fully process what the game was actually saying.

this time was different, i watched a playthrough instead of replaying it myself because i genuinely do not have the time right now, but honestly, i think revisiting it at this point in my life may have been very bad timing, however thats also kind of a good thign i think because i LOVE when media makes me absolutely fucking devastated

over the past few months i feel like i’ve been emotionally maturing really quickly, and suddenly all of this game hit me with a level of clarity that honestly scared me now that im revisiting it again after all of this time. i'm seeing myself a lot more in sunny and basil now, i can better understand what they're going through. the game’s depiction of maladaptive coping mechanisms, avoidance, isolation, and living inside comforting delusions feels painfully real to me now in a way it never did before. in the game, sunny clings to what’s familiar because reality and change are terrifying, and facing the truth means pain. and i think part of why this game hit me so hard is because i’m noticing how much i do the exact same thing.

i’ve been feeling increasingly aware of how unsustainable my current habits and mindset are. i know i’m making myself worse by staying stagnant, but at the same time i’m terrified of taking the steps necessary to change. positive change feels horrifying to me. the familiar misery i already know feels so much safer than uncertainty. the strange thing is that revisiting omori was both very triggering and strangely motivating at the same time. it kind of made me spiral but it also gave me this sense of urgency, like i finally understand that I cannot keep hiding forever, and that healing and self-improvement are possible, but they require choosing discomfort over familiarity. i know i need to be stronger than this. i can change, but theres still this horrible disconnect between knowing what i need to do and actually doing it.

i keep asking myself why i can recognize my own self-destructive behavior so clearly, yet i still feel unable to stop it. maybe that’s part of growing up, though, maybe self-awareness comes before action. i don’t know!!! right now i just feel terrified but i think this game forced me to confront things about myself that i’ve been avoiding and not actually letting them materialize into thoughts, and maybe that confrontation was necessary, even if it hurts. i guess that’s why omori stays with people the way it does in the way it understands the comfort of hiding from reality almost too well